***Warning! This story contains cursing because I curse a lot in real life especially when unexpected things I’m not prepared for occur***
No, seriously. I try to be a good girl and eat my serving of dark leafy greens but CLEARLY, there’s a reason I’m carnivorous and here’s the story detailing why:
For the past couple of days, I’ve been trying to make sure and incorporate my serving of fruit (apple for breakfast) and serving of dark, leafy greens. I’ve slowly taken a liking to sauteed kale which says a lot cause I hated kale before except for in Olive Garden’s Zuppa Toscana soup (it’s soooooo good!). I decided to learn how to cook it the edible way and now it’s not so bad. So I went to the Eagle (grocery store we frequent a.k.a. Giant Eagle) and purchased some kale. Kale is really cheap btw! I thought it was expensive so I think that’s why I avoided buying it, as well as hating it, but it’s only like $1.50 for a bunch. Anyway, I cooked the whole bunch in my wok and we ate it for two days as a side to whatever protein we cooked that night. (tangents, sorry!)
Yesterday, I didn’t pack a lunch because we didn’t have any leftovers. I decided to go to Heinen’s (pronounced “High-nens”), a higher end grocery store near my work, for lunch. They have a salad bar that I would sometimes utilize when I felt the need to be healthy especially back in my pet retail days. So I go over there and build my salad. I use baby spinach leaves, spring mix which has like argula and stuff in it, bell pepper mix, raw broccoli, bacon bits, egg, sunflower seeds and croutons drizzled with a light Italian dressing. There’s a million and one options at a salad bar but they charge you by the weight of your salad and I would never spend $10 dollars on salad unless it had steak on it (sorry vegetarians). While I’m in the store, I also pick up my boss’ usual lunch as well.
I get back and of course work is a little slammed so I don’t get to eat the salad right away but since it’s in a closed container, I figured I’d mix it up so the dressing would coat all the salad-y bits and I’d have an even spread when it came time to eat it. I finally get a free moment to eat the salad and I was very much enjoying my food okay. Usually, I browse social media or check my personal email while I’m eating but, I’m also the type that looks at every bite of food before I put it in my mouth. You will never catch me eating anything in the dark except for like a granola bar or a Rice Krispy treat.
I happened to look down after taking a bite and I see something very odd looking in my salad. At first I thought it was just a large piece of bacon because they don’t always finely chop the bacon.
Then I looked closer….
And the bacon looked like it had tiny legs….
So I looked even closer…
And I saw eyes! INSECT EYES!
I almost vomited all over my desk. I looked again and moved it with my fork and couldn’t believe what I was looking at.
I roll back in my chair and simply state, “I’m done with Heinen’s.” My boss’ office is right next to me so she heard me say that and goes, “Why, what’s wrong?” I get up and take my half eaten salad to her and say, “What the hell is that? IS THAT A BUG IN MY FUCKING SALAD?!” (She curses worse than me, just f.y.i., haha) She looks, makes the vomit noise and then tells me, “You better take that salad back to them right now! GO!” Ma’am, yes, ma’am!
To give you an idea of what I saw, imagine a cricket, no a moth, or a cricket with wings, maybe a grasshopper still wrapped in it’s crysallis in my mother effing salad! That’s truly a first for me okay. I texted my husband with lots of crying face emojis telling him I almost ate a bug! I took the salad back to Heinen’s and showed the customer service people and they refunded me my monies. That was nice of them but I’m never eating there again.
Moral of this story is, there’s a reason I’m a carnivore but also, look before you eat ESPECIALLY if you didn’t prepare it yourself. (It’s not lost on me that insects are a source of protein for some but I prefer to eat my salad without eyes, thank you!)
P.S. if you laughed at this story, laughter is welcome because my boss laughed about it all after the fact.
Have you ever had a bad food experience? Let me know in the comments below.