So this is going to be a bit of a personal post but I need an outlet and what better place than my blog right?
Last night my husband gets a phone call from his brother asking for advice about getting a car started. My husband is very well versed in all things Honda related. He can diagnose a car problem but the sound or by no sound it all. It’s quite fascinating to watch. Anyway, the brother’s “friend’s” car wouldn’t start and he asked for helping in how to get it going again or if it was a lost cause and a tow truck would be needed. My husband declared that it was probably a dead battery and just needed a jump until a new battery could be purchased. He then offered to come jump the car battery with our car. We fully expected his brother to say no because the last time this happened, he said exactly that. Instead, all giggly, he said yes, if you don’t mind, help would be greatly appreciated and the phone call ends.
The giggling is not something I’ve ever heard and I’ve been around for at least 10 years. So of course, I look at my husband and ask him if his brother was high (he doesn’t do drugs but that’s my response to people who act out of character)
He goes and helps then comes home. I asked how it went and he tells me it was what he thought, a dead battery. Then he goes silent. I can just see the things that are weighing down on his mind in that instance. I don’t say anything however because sometimes you need to let people get their thoughts and feelings together before they say what they’re thinking.
Later on, before we lay down for bed, he asks me, “What should I do about my brother?”
You see, last night solidified our suspicions that he’s not being faithful. He’s not married and therefore didn’t make a forever commitment. However, it doesn’t excuse the fact that what he’s doing right now is fucked up. Yes, the f-bomb is required. My response to what he should do, besides punching his brother in the face, is conflicting in and of itself. On the one hand, if we spill this information, we would most definitely be inviting a world a drama into our lives that we do not want and definitely don’t need. On the other hand, there’s that niggling thought in the back of our minds that it’s not our place to spill private information to another individual when it’s not our information to share. At the root of it all, all we can think about is how much he’s hurting the woman who loves him and is mother to his children as well as the fact that he might have this disillusioned idea that we’re okay with his extracurricular activities which is so far from the truth it’s disgusting. The main reason we are, essentially, pretending we’re okay with this is because he suffers from PTSD and we don’t want to make a sort of sensitive situation more volatile.
I’ve always prided myself on being that person you can come talk to about anything and I won’t judge. Well, that’s a bit of a lie. I do judge internally if you’re cheating or doing anything else that’s slimy and nefarious. How can I not? We’re all raised on what we know to be right and what to be wrong and cheating is 100% wrong. If you are not happy, you need to figure out how to walk away instead of continually hurting a person who cares for you and will walk through quicksand to get to you. I know it’s not always as simple as that but keeping secrets is like dumping lighter fluid on wood and hoping that the fire won’t explode in your face when you finally add that tiny spark to the mix. The only conclusion we could come up with is to give the man an ultimatum. Communicate your feelings, even if they’re miserable, to your woman because if you don’t we are going to. We can’t lie for someone who is willingly doing stupid shit, family or not.
This happened to me before with a friend. That time I made my position very clear. She preferred to be ignorant of her man’s extracurricular activities and telling everyone close to her that we don’t know what we’re talking about; she knows him. I will listen and hear you but the minute a person chooses to imply that I’m the liar in the conversation, I feel like I wasted time and energy trying to help fix a problem that a person is content with not fixing. So I walked away from that friendship and I would do it again because I don’t want that level of toxicity to poison me.
Is there a line I’m missing when it comes to this stuff? Are we doing the right thing or is it the wrong thing? Have you ever been in such a situation? How did you handle it? Let me know in the comments below.