Secrets

Have you ever been asked to keep a secret?

Or maybe someone told you a secret and told asked you not to tell anyone?

This is going to be a pretty brief post but the reason I bring this is up is because I have this secret. It’s not a damaging secret it’s just something I’ve let my inner circle in on and just haven’t told the world yet. Yesterday, my best friend’s mom kind of blurted the secret on Facebook without really meaning to and luckily I caught it before anyone saw it and deleted her comment. I never told my best friend she couldn’t tell her mother but it was just so unexpected and I freaked, haha. She took it well cause she wasn’t aware (plus there’s a bit of an age gap as well as cultural gap; she’s Chinese) and we proceeded to have a conversation where I ended up asking my friend if I could steal her mom, lol.

Anyway, it got me thinking about secrets. I mean when someone tells you a secret, are you supposed to keep it forever or is it implied that it’s only temporary? Have you ever received a secret and promised not to tell anyone but it was such a big secret that you had to talk to someone about it so you chose someone that has no relation whatsoever to the person who told you the secret just because you needed to feel as if a weight was lifted off your chest? I have to say I’m guilty at that. I’ve never actually kept a secret to myself. I appreciate that the person trusts me and with me going in a round about way to talk about it with someone, I feel as if I’m not voiding the trust there. Secrets weigh heavy on the mind you know? I feel like I have to release it to someone just so I can get a different opinion from my own. I feel like if I only keep it to myself, it may drive me insane. Most of the time the person I end up talking to is my husband. Sometimes he’s excluded because how can you keep a secret from you partner even if it’s not your own you know? Sometimes it’s so exciting that you need someone to release that burst of joy with even for just a moment. I also feel that the choosing of who you tell another person’s secret to shows a measure of trust you have for that individual. They won’t have a need to go off and tell the whole world because they can always swing back around and talk with you about it if they get any additional ideas, thoughts, feelings, etc you know?

Then you have those secrets that you know would change someone’s life. For example, a spouse cheating on their significant other. I touched on this a bit before when I was talking about my husband’s brother and his shenanigans. We knew a secret but we didn’t tell the party it was affecting negatively. Why? Because we felt it wasn’t our business to get involved. Once you’re involved, its forever to get away again. Did I tell a few of my friends this secret however? Yes. I even posted about it to this very blog. Did I break his trust? I don’t think I did. He doesn’t know any of you. He doesn’t even know I have a blog, so in a way did I trust you all with a secret that doesn’t even matter to you or did I need that weight lifted off of me to find some relief from the situation? Tricky things secrets.

What are your thoughts on secrets? Are you able to keep a secret and not tell anyone at all period? Or are you more like me? Let me know in the comments below!

24 thoughts on “Secrets

  1. Man, this is a deep one, Nel! I have to say, I don’t think that it’s ever okay to tell someone’s secret to someone else. Although, I have been guilty with telling my husband things, but I know it’s between us and it would never get out to anyone else. Usually, I only share it if I need his advice though, or his thoughts on what I should do, etc.

    When it comes to cheating, that one is so hard! I hate cheating. I want to shout it to the other person because I worry that they might get hurt, even physically. I know it;s not always that easy though… It’s a hard one. ❀

    I’m glad you stopped your secret from spreading though and it turned out to be a positive thing. πŸ˜€

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    1. Yeah I tell my husband things as well but sometimes he’s not interested so I tell someone else who has no idea who the person is. For example, if I told you a secret from my cousin, I don’t feel bad about to cause I know there’s 1 in a million chance you’ll ever actually meet her. And I don’t think that’s wrong. Those big secrets take a toll mentally I think and it just feels good to have someone in your corner sharing your burden as bad as that sounds, lol.

      As for cheating, yes it’s very hard in this particular incidence.

      Haha I’ll tell you what happened later. It’s quite funny actually and I wasn’t mad or anything i just didn’t want her to steal my thunder! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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  2. You covered all the angles! Good post. I used to love secrets. Now, if someone has a secret and wants to tell me, I say nope! I just don’t want to have to think about whether I can or can’t say something. To answer you question, I think it’s implied it’s always a secret until that person says it’s no longer a secret, or it’s time-based, as in, hold this for 3 days and then you can say it.

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    1. Pretty ironic James since you specialize in writing about secrets :P. I really can’t tell if someone is telling me a secret unless the specifically state it’s a secret. As for the time based part, I do agree there considering my current circumstances hahaha

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  3. Hmm… secrets are tricky indeed… and I think because of the nature of them I tend to deal wth them on a case by case basis. So, I would share stuff with my husband but generally and most of the time, I would receive a secret and not do anything about it.
    Maybe I am just so used to it because a lot of people + workmates see me as someone they can talk to and while I get involved with their secret by offering a sounding board/shoulder to cry on, once the convo is finished, I wipe it out of my head because…. well, convo finished, my part in the secret finished and new dramas ahead, ahoy! πŸ˜€

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    1. Yes agreed. It’s definitely a case by case basis. My husband is usually the main sounding board cause nobody talks to him hahaha and also because most people expect that I’ll tell him cause I tell him everything.
      Man I need your ability Liz. I can’t easily wipe something from my head depending on the context of the secret. Little dramedies though, those are easy enough to get ride of. πŸ˜‰

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  4. I’m a blurter. I warn people not to tell me stuff. I can’t help it. At some point, it will pop out. Or maybe it’s just that at any given point any ANY thing might pop out of my mouth and it’s just best if I only know positive, repeatable stuff. Most people know this about me. People trust that I will give an honest answer to anything they ask because the truth will just fall out of my mouth before I can think of a way to hide it. I know that this is often not a good thing. On the other hand, I float blissfully through life thinking everyone loves me and everyone loves everyone else, because no one tells me the bad stuff. It’s not so bad. Sorry, I’m writing a whole blog post on your blog post, lol!

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    1. I love your honesty so much Sherron! I think it’s good that you warn people cause then they can’t get mad if you blurt it later! Yes, the honest answer is the best answer and I’m a little like you as well. Sometimes I say things so bluntly that I don’t realize to after I hurt someone’s feelings that I should have maybe sugared it a little. Hahaha I like the way you float through life. It’s a good way to float for sure! And no problem on the long comment. I love ’em! πŸ™‚

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  5. So I don’t think it’s okay to tell secrets- but I’ll also admit I really struggle to keep them- cos like Sherron, I’m a blurter- especially when it comes to nice secrets (yes they exist πŸ˜‰ ), because I just get so excited and can’t hold it in. Like when my brother’s wife was pregnant and I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone, I dropped (what I thought were) cryptic hints, like “I’ve something I’m not supposed to tell anyone yet, but it’s so exciting, to do with my brother’s wife…” Subtle right? It was no wonder that when it came to be time to tell everyone said “yeah we know you’re sister in law’s pregnant” πŸ˜‰ And I think I’ve rambled enough, great post!

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    1. Hahaha yes! My best friend’s mom definitely blurted a nice secret so they totally exist. I understand! It’s hard to keep something inside when it’s SUCH exciting news like a baby on the way, haha. Rambles are always welcome! I love them! πŸ™‚

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  6. I think I’m the former, if someone tells me a secret then I generally keep it to myself. BUT there are times I feel like I need to get the burden lifted off my shoulders and at times like this, I’d go to someone who has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PERSON who divulge the secret. But then again, as I told you, I feel bad about passing on the secret I’ve been entrusted with, so I will keep it until the person tells me it’s no longer secret. AND, this may sound funny, unless the secret in question is life-changing or incredibly heavy, I tend to forget as time goes by hahahahaha

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    1. Yes exactly! If they are in different hemispheres, I feel it isn’t so bad considering it helps you cope a little better. Life changing secrets, I don’t think I’d want to know. I’m forgetful but of course when it comes to the juicy tidbits, my memory tends to be at its finest, hahahaha

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  7. That is a tough one. I am pretty good with secrets. I used to tell my husband stuff, but like others have stated, it was always just between us and that helped me to keep secrets from others better. I don’t like when someone tells me secrets about others though. If it was told to them in confidence, then don’t tell me and then say but it is a secret and you can’t tell anyone. I don’t think forever secrets are good. Sometimes you might forget because it has been so long. I am rambling here but that is because there are so many areas here. I have a sister who puts everything on facebook, even when it is not her’s to tell. When my husband was first diagnosed with cancer he did not want anyone to know. He finally said I could tell my family, but not that one sister who blabs to the world. When she finally found out and realized all my other siblings knew, she was pretty upset with me. I just told her it was not my decision and not my news to tell. Secrets can cause all kinds of problems.

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    1. Totally okay to ramble on RT! I get that. I’m a bit torn though cause I don’t like when someone tells me someone else’s secret either but it’s coming from like my best friend, I can’t help but want details especially if it’s stressing them out.
      As for what your sister did, that sounds like what my mom’s friend accidentally did! It wasn’t to blab though it was just a general oopsie. You were definitely right to tell her that it wasn’t your secret to tell especially since your husband explicitly didn’t want her to know. Did she get over the hurt? I hope she didn’t hold a grudge. Depending on the secret, yes, they can cause all types of problems but those surprise secrets for happy stuff are usually good!

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  8. I think you and I are on the same wavelength with how we handle secrets. I don’t have many personal ones because I’m pretty much an open book. If someone else asks that I keep a secret I do my damnedest to keep it. The worst thing is when someone else lets the cat out of the bag and the person who has the secret thinks you were the one who did it. In any event, I sure hope this secret is a happy one, and if so, I hope it’s what I think it is.

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    1. Hahahahahaha! You are going to have to message me on Facebook and tell me what you think it is you very intuitive dragon lady you πŸ˜‰. Yes, same here though. I’m an open book as well except when it comes to happy ones. I can’t even surprise my husband for his birthday or Christmas cause I get so excited about it that I want to reveal it early hahaha. Ah, yes true. Then you have to remind them that you weren’t the only one they told their secret too. Good point!

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  9. Missed you and your thoughts…
    Secrets are… elusive in their significance to our lives. I firmly believe that they are often intensely necessary and at the same time, the darker secrets can be destructive.
    Anyway…for me, if someone tells me a secret I keep until they say it’s okay to release. But there are always extenuating circumstances I suppose.
    Deep down though, I think if we want to be our own unique person, beholden unto no one but our precious selves and our unique beliefs , then some things absolutely MUST be secret
    Anyway.
    You’re lovely and I love reading your words
    πŸ’™

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    1. I like the way you phrase that. “intensely necessary and destructive at the same time” I’ve never thought about that way. Yes, extenuating circumstances for me is usually it’s too dark for me to hold in by myself so I’ll tell my husband or my best friend cause I feel like I need a relief.
      You’re lovely yourself! I miss you! Glad to see you back again in whatever way we can get you πŸ™‚

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