Trust

You ever think about the people in your life and the level of trust they have in you? This is a bit random but the 23rd of this month was my one year anniversary working at my job. I’ve shared this story in the past but I pretty much bredΒ  myself to work with animals with what I thought would be the rest of my life. I went to school for biology and switched majors to wildlife conservation because I had huge dreams of being a zookeeper some day. I never made it to a zoo but I did get to experience a few wildlife rehabilitation internships, including the start up of one at my college and I also got to go to Maui for 7 months for a breeding and propagation internship on endemic birds.

One day however, I had a bit of wake up call so to speak and had to divert my animal attention to domestics instead of wildlife. So for a few years after working with all the wildlife I transitioned to working in pet retail, vet clinics and doggie day cares. I grew to love the work that I do, especially with the variety of pets on a daily basis but the jobs themselves started to take a toll. The vet clinics became hard to deal with especially when you dealt with pet parents losing their pets or trying to let them go. The pet retail became mentally exhausting because of the constant people interactions and doggie day care just became exhausting. My last stint in retail I got a taste of being a manager which was a first for me. I was always encouraged into management but I never wanted it because of the ridiculous hours a manager had to work. Work/life balance is pretty important to me.

The job I’m in now is a pretty chill job in comparison to all the other jobs I had combined. You’ve all seen the stories from the previous year of me picking cherries and dealing with honeybees. Not really in my job description but fun nonetheless. In the past 6 months or so, my boss has had me dabbling a little bit in the company’s finances such as depositing checks, paying bills and even checking payroll hours. MyΒ  job description is Office Manager guys. I’m a paper pusher/morale booster in this place. So for me to be involved in the money part of this business was a bit shocking to me at first. Obviously, I can be trusted. I’m a very honest person and I care about keeping my job cause you know, can’t eat if I don’t work and I really, really like eating.

It just sort of blows my mind these days the things shared with me. I don’t doubt that I can be trusted of course but I wonder when did the switch go off in my boss’s head that I can be trusted on an even greater level? I know the whole point of a job is to make money and grow to make more money because who likes living paycheck to paycheck but how is this gauged?

This can be related to my personal life as well. I’m generally a very open person and have no problem talking about anything, even the uncomfortable topics. It’s frowned upon sometimes I’m sure because, well, you need to have some type of filter but when you just have this feeling of comfortable with a person, it’s like the dam opens and it all just floods out. I often wonder how I gained this level of confidence in myself to just be able to share stuff with people I feel I can trust or who can generally relate to my experiences. Or they might not be able to relate at all. For example, I work with an 80 year old who is completely racist even if he won’t admit it to himself. Most times he doesn’t realize what he’s saying but I believe he knows exactly what he’s saying. Does it bother me? Not in the least. I can go toe to toe with the best of them but he’s 80. Do I aim to change his mind? No. There’s no point. But I do make my stance on things very clear and I think he has a respect towards me that he didn’t expect. Honestly, I didn’t expect it either. I never know sometimes what I’m going to say until I say it. But that’s how it should be right? But then I think about people like the president who I feel should think before he opens his mouth ever and I feel like I contradict myself.

Anyway, my thoughts are all over the place. I think ultimately I’m just wondering if people have like a trust meter that they use to gauge how much they tell a person or if it really doesn’t matter that much because with trust comes confidence and I guess you’d need a certain level of confidence in order to trust people? I don’t know.

If you were able to keep up with my jumble of thoughts, what do you think of it all? Let me know in the comments below!

19 thoughts on “Trust

  1. These are great topics, Nel. I have to say that I usually have a trust meter, but it doesn’t last very long, lol. I won’t share very personal stuff though until I really get to know someone. A few times I’ve ended up learning that someone truly wasn’t a friend and then they start judging you and using things against you. I try to avoid it all until I really get to know someone.

    As far as having a filter, I think there are times for it. I always try to be honest, but I try not to always say what I’m thinking because people can get their feelings hurt and I wouldn’t want to do that. We’re obviously all different in our own ways and just because we think something, doesn’t mean the other person feels the same way. I think it’s best to have an open mind and sometimes a closed mouth. I’ve put my foot in my mouth one to many times! When I was younger, I barely had a filter at all, but you live and you learn I guess. Just my opinion. πŸ™‚ ❀ Thanks for sharing this today. πŸ™‚ You always get me thinking!!

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    1. That’s rude for a “friend” to listen to you tell them things and then judge you or use your own information against you later. I will never understand that. Yes, I agree. Gotta have some kind of filter for sure. Like the way I talk outside of work is definitely not acceptable at work, lol. You are also right there and that’s something I need to work on sometimes, I admit. I’m all about difference of opinions but I hate when someone tells me I’m wrong about my own opinion of the same thing. There are allowed to be multiple interpretations of anything and everything.
      Glad I could stimulate your brain waves today my friend πŸ˜€

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      1. One thing too–the whole racism thing I could not deal with. I would open my mouth with no filter, lol. It just really upsets me. That and bullying. You’re brave to have to deal with someone like that and then to be able to say he doesn’t bother you. I ❀ that. 😁

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  2. So brave of you to share this Nel! I’m so sorry to hear what happened with you in your workplace. Racism is a very sensitive issue. You can’t educate old people now, they are rigid in their ways, their way is always the right way. You should just focus on yourself because its your life, and make a stand where ever u can, even if you can’t, just do it to show people your presence.

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    1. Thanks Silas! I’m still dealing with it and that’s usually what happens when you’re the only brown person surrounded by a sea of white people, haha. He doesn’t bother me at all. It actually amuses me more than anything each day. πŸ˜‰

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  3. Oh that is really tough about having to deal with pet parents losing their loved ones. I can relate because I used to have a job that was too emotionally draining for me too. hehehe I like what you said about eating- too true πŸ˜‰ hehe damn I can also relate to having no filter πŸ˜‰ I think it’s really important to be honest and I’d rather know where I stand with people- and I don’t think you’re contradicting yourself when it comes to people like the president, because we expect different things of elected officials (and to be blunt, the president says a lot of things that are “bigly stupid, believe me” πŸ˜‰ ). I think context is kind of relevant- cos I guess with someone 80 we want to be more respectful because of their age- and especially if it’s a boss- even if they’re being disrespectful or inherently racist. There’s just a different sort of relationship there. And I guess that comes into having a “trust meter” for sure- cos you know there are lots of people in life you can’t always be as open with, unfortunately. And sometimes you learn that people you trusted weren’t very trustworthy (which is worse). Sorry if this comment is super rambly, I just sort of started typing… and whoops πŸ˜‰ Really thought provoking post!

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    1. You know I absolutely adore you long comments! What type of job did you used to have if you don’t mind me asking? Emotionally draining is right. And their sadness is just stuck in your head for a few days even when you don’t want it to be. I’m glad you can relate to me on the no filter! I’m not alone! I absolutely agree with you too! That’s my stance. If I’m not honest, I feel like that won’t encourage the other person to want to be honest too and then I’m sitting here thinking about what they’re really thinking cause you can tell when someone is thinking something they’re not saying. Yes, the president… word vomit… he knows nothing. You’re right about respecting elders and initially I did but there’s only so much I can take and if I have to work with you everyday you’re going to know my stance on issues regarding my race whether you like it or not cause maybe it’ll encourage you to think before stupid shit falls out of your mouth, lol. But again, it amuses me more than anything because ultimately it’s not having the effect he expected I suppose. You are right, there are a lot of people, including even family, I just can’t be close with. Oh yes, that is definitely worse and it sucks when you learn that the hard way. I hope you don’t mind my storybook comment back to you, hahahaha

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      1. Aw thanks! oh it was working with homeless people- nothing too strenuous, admin and interviewing and stuff like that, but it was still a bit too much for me to be honest. Like you said, you just sort of carry the stories with you for days. I completely understand that, it’s so sad. hehe yes!! Yes- that’s a great way to put it!! hahaha “word vomit”- lol- that’s it exactly πŸ˜‰ I can understand that- and I don’t think it’s stupid shit, in all honesty, my first thought was you shouldn’t have to put up with that, because, well, you shouldn’t! But again (sorry to keep doing this) having been in a similar position once with a boss who made snide remarks about me being Jewish, I can’t really judge if you don’t want to say too much. I think you’re doing the right thing just speaking your mind as much as you can! Yes for sure. hehehe no worries- as long as you don’t mind mine! πŸ˜‰

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        1. Haha okay only sometimes its stupid shit like when I get the “your people…etc etc”. Like come on man, everyone knows that crosses the discrimination line. You’re definitely right, I shouldn’t have to put up with it but I like eating and as long as it doesn’t cross like a sexual line, as bad as this sounds, I’m willing to endure. Plus he’s 80. There’s only so much longer he’ll live (not that i’m wishing him an early death of course!!) Lol, I feel like I sound like such a morbid person. I never mind your comments! I welcome them all! ❀

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  4. I had to smile when you mentioned your 80-year-old coworker. When I was young, and just starting out in my company, I had a boss who was very sexist. He was on the cusp of retirement and he never meant anything truly bad by it, he thought he was being complimentary. When you are in your twenties and working in a field where the population is less than 10% female, you have to draw the line. Being called “sweetheart” and “honey” was bad enough, but his favorite nickname for me was “doll.” I don’t know why that one bothered me more than the others, but it rankled every time I heard it…and that was MANY times a day. I mentioned to him that I really didn’t like to be called that and please call me by my name. I did everything I could to dissuade him. Finally, I got the dictionary out and looked up the appropriate definition and read it to him: “a pretty but often empty-headed young woman.” When I was done reading I looked up at him and asked him if that was what he thought of me. He never called me doll again. So don’t give up on the 80-year-old. The fact that you speak up to him will make him respect you and respect engenders trust. Didn’t think I was going to come back to that, did you? πŸ˜‰

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    1. Linda, I say this on a regular but I freaking adore you. You truly have the best comebacks! He was probably thinking well you are pretty… but clearly not empty headed, hahahaha! Thank you though. I can’t not speak up. It’s not in my nature and I’ve never had like an dangerous reason not to speak up so until that happens I’m going to continue to do so. πŸ˜€

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      1. I freaking adore you, too! He was trying to be nice but the last thing I needed was for a few hundred millworkers to think of me that way. It wasn’t long after that I had to supervise a couple of them and I was darned glad they knew I wasn’t a pushover. In the end, the guy who called me doll retired not long after and we were friends till he did. He was a very nice man who hadn’t outgrown “old school” behavior. He wasn’t the only one. Believe me, I had to ‘school’ a lot of them. In the end, it was worth it. I had a lot of respect from the guys and gals working on the floor. I had a lot of respect for them, too.

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  5. This was a really interesting read, Nel, thank you for sharing. I feel like I am professionally in the same place as you even though I can’t say my position is chill, but I can understand the point that a lot of trust is endowed on you and responsibility… Sounds that you are becoming a linchpin- the central point that is holding everything together- the motivator, the worker, the person to trust πŸ™‚ It is always hard to really pinpoint when exactly this trust came about from the boos, but I believe the impressions with you have started from the very beginning and being consistent at delivering at your job, there’s no surprise you have demonstrated your value! πŸ™‚ I hope you continue to enjoy your work! πŸ™‚

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    1. Wow, thanks for this wonderful comment Liz! Sorry your position isn’t so chill but based on this comment, seems like you have a good handle in your world as well. I hope I continue to enjoy it as well and I hope your job treats you well πŸ™‚

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  6. And if there is one thing I love and appreciate about you and our friendship, is your ability to be as honest and truthful as you can be. And in no way should you, my darling, drag yourself to the President’s level. You’re of a completely different caliber. As for Grumps being racist, can’t change him now huh? His too old to be bent but you guys are still good friends, despite his prejudice towards color. That’s nice!

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    1. Hehe thank you Peela. I think honestly and truthfulness are the basis to any great, long lasting friendship. As for the racist one, it’s not Grumps who’s racist, it’s our boss. Grumps might be a little homophobic but he’s definitely not racist πŸ˜‰

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