Own It

I was talking to my amazing, magnificent friend over the weekend as we usually do and we got on the subject of honesty. We discussed it in the form of book reviews but, like I usually do, I went off on a slight tangent about this particular subject and one of the first lessons I plan to teach my child in the future.

When you achieve something great or are rewarded for a job well done, how do you normally feel? You feel amazing; on top of the world. Then you want to tell everyone you know so they can feel wonderful with you. You are owning your greatness in that moment. You earned it, it was well deserved and you want to flaunt it. That’s a natural reaction to a positive experience right?

So why is it that when a person does something wrong, instead of owning their mistake, they blame everything else under the sun? Or, even worse, flip the tables to make it seem like the other party was delusional in their assessment of the situation because there is just no way you could be wrong even though you KNOW (because trust me, you know) that you were part of the wrong or even fully responsible for it?

Speaking from experience, I understand how easily it is to tell a little white lie when you don’t want to feel the wrath of another person. I truly get it, I do. But I learned over time that that literally makes things 1000 times worse because something so small that I could have owned up to in the beginning ends up getting blown out of proportion and multiple parties end up hurt. Then instead of just one person you have to apologize to, there are many and from there, people’s trust meter of you has faltered a bit.

Losing someone’s trust or even confidence in your own ability to take and receive information is one of the worst feelings. I personally own up to everything I say. If someone asks me for an honest opinion about something, they better be prepared to hear an honest answer. I’m not one for sugarcoating especially when I made the mistake. It’s quite easy to say “That was totally my fault, I’m sorry” or “My bad, I messed up or misinterpreted what you said” to avoid a total explosion of unnecessary drama. Now if I didn’t do it or say it, I definitely won’t take the blame.

When I worked as a manager in retail, this concept was something I pretty much drilled into my staff. If you messed up, seriously, it’s okay. Just tell me so we can fix it together and then you’ll know how better to handle the situation the next time. If you lie to me, I will find out so let’s not waste time. Now, is there times when things should be tactfully said? Sure. But that is one reason why I always lead in with something like “I mean no disrespect but…” and then lay it all out. That way the receiver is already prepared for what I’m about to drop on them but I also hope it makes them feel comfortable enough to do the same for me in return because who doesn’t want 100% honesty all the time?

At the end of the day, I know I can’t make people change. Some people are so good at lying or being two faced that that is their natural instinct. It just sucks for the rest of us who have to figure that out further along in a friendship or relationship instead of right up front. The world would truly be a better place if people owned up to all of their judgments instead of just some of them and not only that, be able to take information, even if it’s information they don’t like, gracefully. That’s the very definition of being an adult wouldn’t you say?

I’m quite interested in what you all think on this topic. Let me know in the comments below and feel free to share experiences of your own if you feel comfortable. πŸ™‚

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32 thoughts on “Own It

  1. I hate having to say I’m sorry when I’m in the wrong. But I’m working on it. My husband says I’m a work in progress on that front. I used to just refuse to acknowledge the situation… terrible, I know. Now I’m different. And I fully agree with you. The sooner a person admits their mistake and tries to deal with it, the better for everyone… especially the mistake maker.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. See? Your honesty is showing! You admit and agree with your husband that you’re a work in progress. I think that’s great. I was the same way only my protection mechanism the silent treatment. I’m glad you agree with me! πŸ™‚ ❀

      Liked by 2 people

      1. LOL.
        Oh yeah… that silent treatment was a go to. I have to laugh now when I see my middle child seems to have inherited it. Guess it really is a nature versus nurture. We have to teach him how to take ownership now πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Hahaha yeah! I think peer pressure starts to become one of the reasons children pick it up and that’s when it gets real tricky to combat. My sister was a complete riot growing up cause she thought her life was supposed to be like everyone elses including TV people. It was crazy.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. I live by the philosophy to own up to any mistake. It’s sooooo much easier in the long run for everyone in every possible way. I screwed up at work(haha a lot but this time was special), I walked directly to my managers office and tell them immediately. That way it comes from me before it gets distorted or blown out of proportion. Sometimes nothing happens sometimes I get my hand slapped for honesty, but I still have my job. This time I got a long talking to but they thanked me for being forthright(Trust me it was a huge mistake made)

    I was raised and told by my parents that honesty is harder but better. I would describe it this way: The rockier road built by an honest person’s hard truths is bumpy, but the one with the most happiness. The liars smooth road is slippery and dangerous from dishonesty. Nobody can stand on a slick road for long and the lies carry them away leaving the liar alone with their slick untruths. The traction of honesty gives people something to stick to, and they stay put.

    You cant stop the slippery roads and those that build them but you can build a better road for yourself and your baby. Teach them that bumpier is better even if it’s hard to see. If they break a toy and tell you, reward the honesty. If they hide it, let them know you’d rather know the truth. Never punish for honesty, by that I mean don’t reward a bad action, but affirm that honesty will lesson the punishment. By punishment I mean have them clean up the mess(When they’er old enough) Help them clean up a mess or mend something broken. Show them a better way to be and that’s how they will be. I have some hilarious stories about learning the hard road of honesty as a kid, boy oh boy I was a challenge.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Nooo! Never apologize for long comments. I absolutely LOVE them and yours was such an insightful, wonderful one! Thank you for writing it all!

        Like

    1. I think that’s completely commendable that you walked into your superior’s office and let them know ahead of time so everyone is on the same page for any fallout. I used to do the same thing especially when I had to deal with an irritable customer and I may not have had the best tone of voice that day.

      Your parents are smart people! I love everything about that saying. In fact I’m going to save it so I can tell my kid exactly this one day. So wise and clearly they raised you very well.

      I agree. Honesty should never be punished. That’s just a recipe for disaster later. I definitely plan to affirm that honesty is the best policy for sure. For example, my husband and I were having that difficult talk about behavior around cops no matter how upset you are and what we plan to teach our kid especially in this climate being African Americans and all. I have some stories as well! One that comes to mind is a shoplifting one that I think I might share tomorrow to piggyback off this post cause you’ve inspired me. πŸ™‚ ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I totally agree that it’s so much easier to just be honest. I don’t know why it’s so hard for some people, but I have to admit that I’ve been in the position myself and sometimes it’s just hard to admit. A lot of times I think it’s just a pride issue and a person feels that they have to be right.

    The trust issue to me is the most important. I little lie here and a little lie there might not seem like a big deal…but it is! How can you ever trust a person that lies regardless of how small the lie is. I read an article once about men and why they lie to their partners. The article made it out to be an issue with the person that was being lied to, like the other party lied because they knew you would get mad. That’s just not right. Naturally you’re going to be upset if you find out your partner is cheating or holding something from you. It may start with “oh hunny you don’t look fat” and then it gets to the point where you don’t know what you can trust. I get you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, so it’s just hard any way you look at it in my opinion. It truly is because I suppose there are levels, so to speak, about how one lie might be worse than another, but it still burns one’s trust in another.

    Awesome post! πŸ’œπŸ’™πŸ’œ Got me thinking deeply for a Monday morning. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah I totally understand the pride part but most times its easiest to put that pride aside cause its a possibility the other person will do the same. I think trust definitely goes hand in hand with owning up to anything you say or do that could potentially have a negative effect. When it comes to relationships, 100% of both is a definite no matter how small the issue may be. I agree that you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings but without being upfront to start with, I feel like you’ll probably end up hurting their feelings way worse later so I believe its better to rip that bandaid off ahead of time to avoid potentially worse heartache and guilt later that could lead to worse consequences that may end up hurting you as well.

      Thank you! I’m glad I got you and others thinking. I’m learning a lot from the comments as well so this is great. ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  4. My late husband often lied and sometimes for no other reason than having something to say. I think he’d covered his feelings all of his life and exaggeration and outright lies were how he battled against feelings of being weak or inadequate. And I lie especially to family because if I am honest it will anger or hurt them and somehow they always make me feel guilty about it in the end so I just say what they want to hear, specifically answer nosy questions with a blending of truth or say nothing at all. Sure being 100% truthful would make life easier in some ways but if it opens the door for people to shovel on guilt, lying and avoidance are my tools.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I can understand that and I’m sorry that he had to cover things up with lies because he felt weak. That must have been hard to do but that is something that makes us all different and we deal in different ways. As for the family bit, you’re nicer to me. Family are the number one people I don’t accept guilt from. If family makes you feel guilty about anything then honestly they’re terrible family and I wouldn’t associate myself with them at all. I have family members like that which is why we only visit and reminisce at Xmas and Thanksgiving and even then I won’t take it from their face. It’s just nonnegotiable there. I get the nosiness too but I have no problem telling anyone it’s none of their damn business whether they’re blood related or not, lol. Thanks for sharing your experiences Darlene. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Oh gosh this is brilliant too!! I think it’s much easier to own successes and not ow up to doing anything wrong. I really get it, cos it’s not pleasant being the one in the wrong- but like you said, it’s all part of being a grown up. And I think it’s a fantastic quality to be honest in every situation and I have so much respect for you πŸ˜€ Loved this post!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks orangutan! You’re right. Achievements and accomplishments are so easy to own but when you’re wrong its so hard to admit it cause most of us have a good deal of pride but honesty is still always the best policy in all situations. Aww thank you! I respect you just as much and I’m glad you love this post! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  6. All makes sense. I don’t believe in lying. If someone is sensitive and my feedback is not asked for or might be taken the wrong way, I’ll shy away from responding. But if it’s important, then I will find a way to tell the person what I think if they’ve asked for my opinion.

    It’s hard thru the Internet… sometimes you only know what someone writes and you don’t know their facial expressions or tones to get if there’s a good connection or a disconnect. There’s always a way to say something negative with the right construct. Starting with “I mean no disrespect” goes a long way as it shows the person you are thinking about your response.

    Great post from analytical perspective.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I get that. The internet makes it quite hard to gauge what a person is really thinking because of that cap of cyberspace; can’t hear the voice inflections or try and decipher facial expressions. Sometimes you just gotta take a leap though because thinking about something or assuming it generally leads to either you going insane over it or something that could have been prevented if you had just spoke up regardless of the consequences. Tricky, tricky! and thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

        1. I try to. I like to keep an open mind about every single thing because we are all so different and live different lives and have had different experiences so it’s always cool to share perspectives. Almost always end up learning something which is the greatest! πŸ™‚

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