I’m thinking about what to write about in response to the daily prompt. After googling the word, because let’s face it, it’s a weird word, all I can think about is the inner murmations I have with myself in certain situations. For example, today I was speaking to a friend about an upcoming film.
Me: “Hey, did you see the trailer for that new film?”
Her: “Not sure who’s in it.”
Me: “Scarjo, Kate McKinnon, and some other girl I don’t remember the name of.”
At this point she goes and checks out the trailer.
Her: “Looks fun. Maybe we should go see it.”
Me: “Mhmm, sure.”
What I’m really thinking here is, ugh, Scarlett Johansen. She has that face that even when she’s happy and excited it still looks like bitch face. Doesn’t really clash with what I see as a funny movie. But do I tell my friend that? She might be a huge Scarlett Johansen fan. I probably shouldn’t say this. How to phrase this without sounding harsh?
Me: “You know…”
….and proceed to say what’s exactly on my mind. Luckily she knows me well and took it in stride.
Take this next scenario. I’ve decided I need to find and try a new leave-in conditioner. I’ve watched all these YouTube videos with natural girls talking about their hair routine and how they swear by such and such product. Here I am wondering if any of these products would work for me cause that looks like my hair type so why the hell not. It’s currently snowing outside and that alone makes me not want to go anywhere. I shouldn’t be lazy. I should get up and go! Instead, I start to think about ways I can get my husband to go instead. I have to phrase this in such a way that he thinks it was his idea all long. I go through all these ideas in my head.
Me: “Soo I need leave in conditioner.”
Him: “I feel like you already have some.”
(I do, but that’s not the point!)
Me: “Not really. There’s this new one I want to try”
And then I proceed to tell him all the reasons why including the ingredient panel and their benefits.
Me: “So I was thinking I’d go to Target and get the conditioner and then maybe go to Sam’s Club and get a pack of razors but after I do the dishes and cook breakfast.”
Me: “Okay sounds good right?”
Next thing I know he’s putting on layers of clothes looking like he’s going to venture out in the cold outdoors. This is exactly how I wanted this to play out! I should feel bad about my mini mind manipulation, but I don’t. Inside I’m smiling but of course I ask.
Me: “Where you going?”
Him: “I’m going to go to the store for you.”
Me: “You don’t have to”
Him: “Don’t worry about it. You’re cleaning and cooking. I’ll do something too.”
SCORE! He goes off to the store and ends up calling me about what specifically to get even though I sent him screenshots. He came home with the wrong stuff, even with guidance. I knew that was going to happen. I kept thinking to myself, “I should have went.” It’s one of those where you walk in the store and you know exactly where to go versus he goes into the store and, instead of asking someone who works there to point him in the right direction, he walks around aimlessly until giving up and calling it a lost cause. He asked me if it was the right stuff and I nodded and said yes and thank you. It’s the gesture that counts right? Plus, fuck snow.
There are always those”what should I say vs. what I really want to say” moments you have with yourself depending on the situation. Sometimes the word vomit completely overrides the logical and you hope it comes out sounding nice enough in a way that the end game isn’t disastrous.