Let me take you back in time to 2012. I’m on the island of Maui about to start working my internship. The first day I got there I was allowed to sleep because the travel time and the time change between Ohio and Hawaii definitely screwed me up. Pro tip, if you ever take a visit to a different time zone, make sure you try to coordinate your flights so that if you leave in the morning you arrive at nighttime or vice versa. It takes a lot less toll on the body than leaving at night and arriving at night or leaving in the morning and arriving in the morning.
The first day was just a lot of sleeping. Didn’t even have the energy to shower. It was just one of those shed clothes and bed moments. I woke up and wanted to be clean so I gathered my things together to go take a shower. The shower was this tiny stall with blue tile. No tub, just a standing shower, nothing fancy. I turn the water on and let it run to the temperature I like best; hot. While its doing that, I pee, brush my teeth, wash my face; you know the small things you do before climbing in the shower. Then I climb in and its instant relief. I love showering especially when there’s no time limit on the hot water. So I’m doing my thing, sudsing up and what not and I happened to look up.
Bad idea. Very bad idea.
Instead of keeping my eyes closed and singing and being I happy, I just had to look up. There in the corner was the biggest, hairiest, OMFG, spider. It was staring at me. You know that feeling where you feel like there’s eyes on you? Well that thing probably had like 15 eyes on me! All I kept thinking was please, PLEASE don’t move. I still need to wash my hair so we’ll be in here together at least another 15 minutes! Now that I know he’s there my eyes stay trained on mister like a laser.
For at least the next 5 minutes Mr. Spider doesn’t move. Well all of sudden he decides to move. Oh no! OH NO! DO NOT CRAWL THIS WAY! Of course he starts to crawl down. Then he stops. My heart is beating a mile a minute okay. Now i’m thinking he’s gonna shoot that silk thread out of his butt and just come surfing down and land in my hair or on me in general. What if it bites me?? What if it’s a poisonous spider??? I’m trying to calm myself down because if I make any fast moves I could slip and fall and crack my skull open. Well Mr. Spider did the boot shoot and I lost it. I hauled ass out of the shower so fast! Now I’m soapy and naked and spider has the shower alone. What I did next made me feel slightly guilty later but in the moment I didn’t care. I took that shower head and aimed it at Mr. Spider as much as possible. He got a one way ticket down the drain and I was able to finish my shower in relative peace.
The day before yesterday I had a similar experience in my Ohio shower. The spider wasn’t quite so big but literally it was the same situation where I just happened to look up and there sitting in the corner was a spider. I figured this one was dead until it started moving! I was prepared this time. Yes, I’m naked and vulnerable but you see this shower nozzle is detachable and this is your passport to a watery grave buddy! At least that’s what I told it in my head. This spider was so active! He crawled across the ceiling to the air vent and disappeared. I breathed a sigh a relief that I didn’t have another episode but then when I got out of the shower he came crawling back out. It was like one of those “joke’s on you” moments! The bastard was probably laughing at me with his little spider mouth. I had the last laugh though because I got a chair this time and captured this one. I didn’t wash him down the drain but I did throw him out the window. See? I’m not always a spider murderer.