Long while ago, I made a rumis post. I forget what it was about and since I transferred the blog it got lost in cyberspace maybe (I didn’t actually go search for it; laziness and all that). In the post I talked about something that was weighing on my mind. Well, today I’m having another one of those and I feel like sharing.
Have you ever had someone tell you that they’re the type of person that doesn’t do well with confrontation? I’ve been thinking about what that truly means because when I hear it, I view it as someone who doesn’t like to invite drama in their life or maybe they don’t do well with drama. So I decided to Google it.
Definition of confrontation
a : a face-to-face meeting
- a confrontation between the suspect and the victimb : the clashing of forces or ideas : conflict
- a violent confrontation between rival gangs
Both of these definitions seem quite hostile wouldn’t you say? When I talk about confrontation, I generally mean it in terms of if you have a problem, whether it be with a person, place or thing, you address it. I’ll be the first to admit that I can be very confrontational and not in a bad way. If there’s something wrong, I want to know and if a person doesn’t volunteer the information on their own, there’s a huge chance I’m going to ask them up front. If I have a problem with a product I bought, best believe I’m calling the seller or manufacturer to fix it or give me my money back. If I had a bad experience at a place, I will most definitely make the place aware of my negative experience and even go so far as to leave a negative review if they seem like they don’t care.
I wasn’t always this way. It was actually my husband that brought this out in me. I used to be the queen of giving people the silent treatment. It wasn’t so that I wouldn’t have to confront them, it just made me feel like I had the upper hand because I wasn’t responsive. I can remember arguments we would have back in our dating stages where I would treat him like he didn’t existed even though we lived in the same house and slept in the same bed. It came quite easily because again, I felt I was the superior one and could talk on my terms not his.
Let me tell you, I almost lost him over it.
He broke down one day. Told me that he knows I’m really upset but he needed me to know how the silence was hurting him more than me not talking about my upset. It was a pivotal moment for me, let me tell you. I ended up feeling like complete shit because I realized he was right. How do you solve a problem with continual silence? How can someone know what’s really going on in your head if you don’t say anything?
I always tell everyone I’m not a mind reader. I’ve learned to use this phrase over and over again. I learned the lesson best while working in retail and experienced all the behind the back talking because people were too afraid to speak their minds but found it really easy to gossip to other people. It’s literally dumping fuel on a spark that is going to turn into a raging fire. I also learned that it doesn’t help to be passive aggressive either. Again, most of us are not mind readers. Sometimes it simply needs to be spelled out if you’re at all interested in a problem getting fixed. So I became that manager that speak to people head on. Some people appreciated it and some people didn’t and that’s perfectly fine but I had to job to do and ultimately it made my staff comfortable enough to come speak to me instead of spreading gossip every day.
I’m definitely not perfect and I know I can be a tough individual to deal with but I always promise honesty and I have no problems apologizing for something if I’m in the wrong. Does that make me a confrontational person? Maybe, but I think ultimately it makes me a better human being in general. In a world where most of us talk to each other on the internet, I often ponder how people can’t be more bold and more forward even if they aren’t in real life. It’d be a real confidence booster if you ask me considering it’s like a 5% chance, maybe less, that we’ll ever meet in real life. That’s not how I roll of course. What you see is what you’d get in real life but the screen is almost more of a confidence booster than a dampener I would think. But we’re all different so I definitely don’t fault anyone at all who has a different though process. All I want to do is understand, apologize and fix stuff so we’re all happy in the end. Is that too much to ask? I don’t know; maybe.
What do you think? Do you view the definition of confrontational different than Merriam Webster? Would you consider yourself confrontational or non-confrontational? This is a touchy subject so don’t feel obligated to comment if you don’t want to!