Secure

These two are my security: my husband and my best friend.
There comes a moment in your life where you go through everything you’ve been through in your life and examine the constants. Sure you have your parents, if you’re lucky enough, but there are those people you talk to every single day who you can always count on for anything and everything. My husband and my best friend have been my constants. You hear about unconditional love and you automatically think of your pets. I have pets, and yes, they love me unconditionally but I can 100% say with all my heart that these two people love me unconditionally. We’ve been through some good, bad, and really ugly times. I can think of a few times where even I didn’t want to be friends with me anymore but these two don’t give up and I love them for that. I can conquer the world as long as I have these two with me.

10 years and counting.

 

My Bestfriend’s Husband

Life has been a little crazy for me lately. One friend told me she’s getting a divorce (yay!), we went to a funeral, and another friend just told me she thinks her husband’s cheating. Here’s the thing: he wasn’t…and she has. I’m her BFF, was her MOH, have spent more nights out partying with her than I care to admit, and I told her she should’ ve never gotten married.

…what the hell do I do?

I talk to this chick everyday on the phone while we drive to work. I cried on her shoulder during my divorce. We go to dinners as couples and are contemplating a vacation for the four of us. Now this.

Let me give you the back shory…her husband’s family owns a bakery -so he, his brother, dad, uncle, and mom all work together, aside from a handful of high schoolers who help out. His brother is currently married and has been for a good three years – to a girl they hired to work at the bakery. My friend and her husband got married at the courthouse so they could get a special loan on their home. They didn’t tell anyone they were married, not even their parents…well…I knew, of course. A year and a half later they had the “real” deal.

My friend has had flings with people from Craigslist, dishwashers at bars we went to, family friends, and even her husband’s relative. I’ve known about them all (or so I think). Her husband doesn’t know about any of this, so we think. My boyfriend is appalled and so are many of my friends. I just don’t know what to do at this point. I stood beside her at her wedding, for God’s sake.

The high school students are generally women. On several occasions my friend has told me that they text, call, and Snapchat her husband. At no point in time was she overly upset or worried by this until this last time. Tuesday my friend calls saying that her husband’s brother was found in the bathtub with one of the girls. …his wife went home early from work because she was sick. Long story short, they have been in this relationship for 6 months, the young girl tried to commit suicide over this man, and now he and his wife are “working it out”.

My friend’s husband was “friends” with the same girl. He was completely shocked when they told everyone the news. So, he’s been calling and texting her every day – even bought her flowers for Valentine’s Day, and she’s sleeping with his brother. When my friend found all this out she was irate. She left the house and wouldn’t tell him where she went. He called us crying (he’s never spoken to us on the phone before) begging her to go back home and talk to him. He swears he’s never even touched the girl but my friend is convinced otherwise.

Now my friend is saying her trust is completely broken and their relationship will never be the same. I told them that they should try counseling. (Been there, done that, and would do it again.) My problem is this: her husband has been completely open, honest, respectful, and apologetic about his inappropriate relationship with his associate. However, his wife, my friend, has not been honest with him. She has blown this out of proportion by lying, getting unnecessary people involved, and by stretching the situation to it’s maximum capacity.

While on the phone with her husband I was inches from telling him the truth about her past several times. He seemed so hurt, confused, and alone. I wanted him to know that he’s not the only one who has made mistakes and that we all learn and grow from our choices. On the other hand, I didn’t want to rock the boat anymore than it already was. My boyfriend tells me not to get anymore involved than I already am – basically don’t stick my nose where it doesn’t belong. My co-author tells me I should for sure say something. I care for them both and don’t want to see them get divorced about something silly or the past but damn.

What’s a girl to do? What would you guys do in my situation? Has anyone ever been in this situation that can provide feedback? Anything is appreciated as I try to be a good friend to them both.

I probably shouldn’t, but I did.

I’m thinking about what to write about in response to the daily prompt. After googling the word, because let’s face it, it’s a weird word, all I can think about is the inner murmations I have with myself in certain situations. For example, today I was speaking to a friend about an upcoming film.

Me: “Hey, did you see the trailer for that new film?”

Her: “Not sure who’s in it.”

Me: “Scarjo, Kate McKinnon, and some other girl I don’t remember the name of.”

At this point she goes and checks out the trailer.

Her: “Looks fun. Maybe we should go see it.”

Me: “Mhmm, sure.”

What I’m really thinking here is, ugh, Scarlett Johansen. She has that face that even when she’s happy and excited it still looks like bitch face. Doesn’t really clash with what I see as a funny movie. But do I tell my friend that? She might be a huge Scarlett Johansen fan. I probably shouldn’t say this. How to phrase this without sounding harsh?

Me: “You know…”

….and proceed to say what’s exactly on my mind. Luckily she knows me well and took it in stride.

Take this next scenario. I’ve decided I need to find and try a new leave-in conditioner. I’ve watched all these YouTube videos with natural girls talking about their hair routine and how they swear by such and such product. Here I am wondering if any of these products would work for me cause that looks like my hair type so why the hell not. It’s currently snowing outside and that alone makes me not want to go anywhere. I shouldn’t be lazy. I should get up and go! Instead, I start to think about ways I can get my husband to go instead. I have to phrase this in such a way that he thinks it was his idea all long. I go through all these ideas in my head.

Me: “Soo I need leave in conditioner.”

Him: “I feel like you already have some.”

(I do, but that’s not the point!)

Me: “Not really. There’s this new one I want to try”

And then I proceed to tell him all the reasons why including the ingredient panel and their benefits.

Him: “grunt”

Me: “So I was thinking I’d go to Target and get the conditioner and then maybe go to Sam’s Club and get a pack of razors but after I do the dishes and cook breakfast.”

Him: “grunt”

Me: “Okay sounds good right?”

Next thing I know he’s putting on layers of clothes looking like he’s going to venture out in the cold outdoors. This is exactly how I wanted this to play out! I should feel bad about my mini mind manipulation, but I don’t. Inside I’m smiling but of course I ask.

Me: “Where you going?”

Him: “I’m going to go to the store for you.”

Me: “You don’t have to”

Him: “Don’t worry about it. You’re cleaning and cooking. I’ll do something too.”

SCORE! He goes off to the store and ends up calling me about what specifically to get even though I sent him screenshots. He came home with the wrong stuff, even with guidance. I knew that was going to happen. I kept thinking to myself, “I should have went.” It’s one of those where you walk in the store and you know exactly where to go versus he goes into the store and, instead of asking someone who works there to point him in the right direction, he walks around aimlessly until giving up and calling it a lost cause. He asked me if it was the right stuff and I nodded and said yes and thank you. It’s the gesture that counts right? Plus, fuck snow.

There are always those”what should I say vs. what I really want to say” moments you have with yourself depending on the situation. Sometimes the word vomit completely overrides the logical and you hope it comes out sounding nice enough in a way that the end game isn’t disastrous.