Love to Love

I was thinking about what to write today. You ever just stare at this blank slate and say what can/should I write today? Since today is Valentine’s Day in America, I figured it should be something related to that somehow. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and we never really make it a point to celebrate Valentine’s Day every year. Sometimes he’ll surprise me like a few years ago he took me to this super duper fancy restaurant and I got to eat bolognese. If you’ve never had it, oh my freaking goodness. I had it for the first time in Italy and it’s amazing. I was thinking of maybe recreating it over the weekend because I found an easy to follow recipe to make it but my mother is coming in to see me and we’re going to see Black Panther Saturday night and I need at least 6 hours to make this sauce so I don’t know. We’ll see.

Most of the time we just say Happy Valentine’s Day and I love you to each other and keep it moving. It got me thinking about how often I tell people I love them. I know some people just use it as a phrase to show excitement because maybe a friend helped them have an epiphany but I honestly believe that I use it the way it was intended no matter who I’m saying it to. Saying “I like you” would just be weird to me or it just doesn’t emphasize my feelings enough? Obviously the love I have for my husband is on a completely different level than the love I have for friends or family but when I tell someone I love them, I mean it as in I care about your well being, what’s going on in your life every single day, what’s making you happy or sad (so I can be happy with you or fix it) and other things along those lines.

See how I go from blank to words? I truly even didn’t plan on that random, kind of philosophicalness to spew out but there it is. I really only planned to share a song today that is called Valentine cause there’s not many songs with the word “valentine” in the title. I can think of two off the top of my head. I’m sure you all have heard the song “My Funny Valentine” in a zillion different versions but have you heard the song “Valentine”? I’m sharing the throwback Pentatonix version because I love them and the melody and harmony of this song is so beautiful. I’ll also share the lyrics as well:

I will be friendly
(Please don’t be…)
My soul came to be terrified
(…so terrified)
Please don’t be so shy
So will you never be my lover or my valentine
Never be a friend of mine
Never see my better side
Maybe you’d be terrified
Of all the secrets you were wishing you won’t ever find
‘Cause deep inside me
And I don’t wanna hide me
‘Cause I know about my love
‘Cause I know about my love
‘Cause I know about my love
‘Cause I know about my love
Yeah, pick it fast like a flight far away from here (fly away)
Before I know I feel at home whenever you are near
Live my life, you better cold cut to this
I wish you’d hold me open just to see your vision clear
‘Cause I know about my love (‘Cause I know about my love)
‘Cause I know about my love (‘Cause I know about my love)
‘Cause I know about my love (‘Cause I know about my love)
‘Cause I know about my love (‘Cause I know about my love)
‘Cause I know about my love
‘Cause I know about my love
About my love
About my love
About my love
I will be friendly
(Please don’t be)
My soul came to be terrified
(so terrified)
Please don’t be so shy
That’s all I got for today. Happy Valentine’s Day beautiful people! If you have Valentine’s day stuff planned I hope they make you smile hugely and if you don’t, here is me sending you a virtual chocolate heart that will hopefully make you smile with the rest of us today.

Things Learned Watching Anime Movies

As I regularly do these past few weeks, I messaged my great, amazing friend ❤ Mischenko ❤ to talk about this and that. I’ve got a lot going on in my life currently and she’s really good at listening, laughing at  with me, and generally giving me some really great advice. I forget how we got on the subject of anime movies but I remember asking her if she had ever watched Howl’s Moving Castle especially since I knew her kids would love it. Her daughter, especially loved the movie because she got it for Christmas. This of course led to further anime movie discussion and I got to thinking about the things these Studio Ghibli films have in common. So today I thought I would share with you some of my favorites and why they’re so fantastic.

Image result for howl's moving castleHowl’s Moving Castle is a story about beauty, curses, and overcoming your inner demons. Sophie is the main character who leads a very boring life until one day she meets a powerful wizard named Howl. He’s being chased by the evil witch’s shadow demons and Sophie unknowingly comes to his aid. The witch then gets jealous of Sophie and curses her by stealing her youth and beauty and turning her into an old lady. From there Sophie joins Howl, Markl and talking flame Calcifer in the castle and learns about this world of magic as well as the additional curses and struggles this little family is going through. It’s really a great film that teaches a person that you are stronger than your inner demons ans when you have a nice family backbone to help you, you realize that beauty comes in all forms, shapes and sizes and believing in yourself can enable you to believe in the unimaginable.

Image result for princess mononokePrincess Mononoke is a story featuring natives living and working the land when a living disease infects one of the animals they normally hunt and begins to plague the people and land it treks through. Ashitaka, prince of the village, gets in the path of disease to save his sisters and the cursed plague infects his arm which has a few alarming effects. He decides to go on a journey to find a cure for the curse. Along the way he meets a wildling girl named San who was raised by wolves and is trying to drive the modern coal farmers away because they’e destroying the forest and the forest Gods are not fans of this and have decided to fight back. It’s a war of nature versus the mechanical all while trying to cure this nasty plague. This film is a little bit darker than the rest of the Studio Ghibli films but the main takeaway is how important the environment is and why it’s essential that we save it. It’s also about compromise — informing an individual why you feel the way you do without shoving your anger and hatred down their throat; making them open their eyes and mind and seeing a different side of the coin.

Image result for spirited awaySpirited Away is a story about a little girl who has been told by her parents that they are moving. She is quite reluctant to do so because she’s built such a home where they are now. While driving to their new home, they take a wrong turn and Chihiro and her parents is pulled into a world they never imagined. Her father insists one exploring this area and they stumbled upon some delicious looking foods. What they did not expect is the side effects of eating food in this magical place — they turned into pigs! Chihiro is frantic and all she wants to do is go back home but she has to figure out how to get her parents to turn back into humans. She ends up discovering all types of things about the people of this world, the culture, foods, and even makes friends with a boy who can turn into a dragon. The main takeaway from this film is courage; To not be afraid to face the unknown and have the courage to overcome your fears. Life isn’t planned out for you where you know exactly what’s going to happen when. You probably hear this all the time but you really should live life to its fullest. Fear holds you back from what could be the greatest moments of your life. And if they aren’t, well, you learned a lesson which makes you smarter, braver, tougher and more able to handle anything life throws you in the future. Nobody is perfect but if you make the best of the hand you’re dealt, you will find that you can conquer the world.


Since this post is coming up on over 800 words and I didn’t know I had all that in me, I’ll leave it at these three today. I still have a couple more movies I can talk about but I’ll leave it for a later post. I also want to note that I originally watched all of these in their Japanese version with English subtitles but now there are English voice acting versions if reading this post has you intrigued.

These are better than Disney right?!?! 😉 Have you seen these three movies or any Studio Ghibli film? What do you think of the takeaways I got from these? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!

Being an Adult

I initially had a plan to write a fun post but I think I have to save it for tomorrow because I am in the midst of some hardcore adulting and realizing how not fun it is. We bought our house about a year and a half ago and of course things are starting to fall apart because it’s not like a brand new house. It was built in 1950. The previous owners and maybe the ones before them made a few upgrades but mostly to the outside.

For example, our roof is only 5 years old which is fantastic and our 2-car garage is pretty much brand new. However, the inside parts could use some work. Our garbage disposal died a few months ago and we didn’t really see it necessary to get fixed because we have a dishwasher but now its leaking out of the bottom so we can’t ignore it anymore. Yesterday we replaced our bathtub spout and the trip lever because I’m pretty the type determined not to pay someone if we can help it. Luckily that was easy to do thanks to YouTube.

Which leads me to, what did we do before YouTube?? Seriously. I have never been more grateful for a technological advance in my life. DIY videos save you so much money! My husband was so ready to call a plumber and pay hundreds when it ended up only costing $60 and like an hour of our time. Plus, we learned a  new skill! It doesn’t get any better than that. Some things though, unfortunately, you just need a professional. Like I want new carpet and hardwood in the whole downstairs of our house. I’m sure YouTube would be helpful but I do not have that kind of patience.

In the midst of all this, there’s also taxes that need to be filed. We owed the stupid government big time last year so we change some things around. Of course, we still owe money this year. We can’t win…

Can I please go back to being a dependent? Life was such a breeze. Please and Thank you. That ends my adulting rant for today. Never grow up people! Or at least don’t buy a house. Stay in apartments where getting stuff fixed is part of your rent, hahaha.

Technology and Death

*******************************WARNING***************************

This is me warning you that this post might trigger some feelings that might affect you. I’m going to be discussing an episode of Black Mirror my husband and I watched that I found equally fascinating and creepy as hell. Since this is my blog, I insist on talking about it but it might make you upset especially if you’ve recently gone threw a crushing lost of a human in your life. If you read past this warning and get upset, well, I warned you and I’m not responsible for how I may respond to your anger for ignoring my warning.

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Black Mirror is a Netflix Original television show that mixes very futuristic things with every day life. I think I’ve talked about an episode before in which people were rated on their every day interactions with other people. For example, if you bought coffee at Starbucks, you’d rate the barista who served you. These star ratings ended up being important for things like wanting to buy a house because instead of a credit score determining if you can get a house or not, it was your ratings. Anyway, I’d have to go searching for that post if you’re interested in reading it cause I forget what I called it.

Last night’s episode was completely surreal. The premise of the episode was a woman and her boyfriend were moving in together in a house in a city in Ireland (I think it was Ireland. Could have been Scotland too). On the drive there, the boyfriend was pretty glued to his phone. He had up what looked like a futuristic Twitter and just constantly talking to people on it. She got a bit annoyed cause she was driving and told him to put his phone in the glove box. Then they turned on some music and did some singing the rest of the way to their house.

After unloading the car and touring the house, he stands in the middle of the room looking desolate because he forgot where his phone was. She reminds him and he goes and gets it and is back glued to the screen. They go to bed later and have some very underwhelming sex. The next morning she gets a job (she’s some type of artist) and he decides he wants to go to town for stuff. Well, he never comes home. The cops show up to tell her that her boyfriend died and we assume it was because he was texting and driving.

At his funeral, while she’s grieving, a woman sits to talk to her and give condolences and then she randomly blurts out that there’s an app that the woman can use to talk to her boyfriend again. She says he’s a good candidate because he was a “heavy user” and that it would help ease her mind to get to talk to him again. Understandably, our main woman gets pissed off and tells her to shut up because he’s gone and that would be cruel. Over the next few days though it weighs heavily on her mind especially when she finds out she’s pregnant. The woman ignored her anger at the funeral and signed her up anyway and one day she gets an email from her dead boyfriend saying hi and that it was really him.

Basically what this application did was aggregate everything on public record that he ever posted on his social media feeds or forums or anything where he had an internet presence and sort of emulates him. The more you feed it, the smarter and more intuitive it gets. She ends up talking back and forth via email and then one day he tells her he can actually speak to her, like on the phone. So she feeds it personal video moments they shared and next thing you know they’re talking on the phone. She was really sad about it at first but then she began to realize this is something she needs.

It goes on for some time until she wishes she could see him; hug him in person. He tells her its expensive but possible. She doesn’t care about the cost and next thing you know this big box arrives to her house with this squished human in it. She has to put it in the bathtub and feed it electrolytes and then after like a day her deceased boyfriend comes walking down the stairs. At first she was freaked out, like super freaked out but I guess her internal self said she needed this and she grew to be super happy about this. Remember when I told you they had underwhelming sex? Well this boyfriend is very good at it because he was able to go learn things from watching internet porn. A lot of these little things come back full circle that we subtly noticed in the beginning.

After a time however, she begins to get sad again and upset about this form. She realizes it’s not the same as the actual person. You have to teach this one pretty much everything and he doesn’t understand that it’s okay to disobey things sometimes and argue. He agrees with everything she says, and like with the music singing in the car, he thinks the songs are cheesy even though his real self loved the songs. By the end she realizes this whole coping thing she thought would help her grieve just made her grieve 1000x more.

After the episode, my husband and I sort of looked at each other and wondered if either of us were to die suddenly and that crazy tech was available would we do it? Well, we both decided the whole scenario just freaked us out. On the one hand, I understand because it was a sudden lost and you weren’t ready but on the other hand to basically talk to a computer emulation in a human body would just be too much for people like us. The whole point of grieving is to have the ability of letting go one day. Watching this episode made me think of people who get their pets cloned because they never want to lose them. But with every clone, it’s slightly different than the original. But then I think about how it’s helping the person cope with continuing to live their life and I want to think that it’s not so bad but a part of me is screaming that I just can’t see it being helpful in the long run. I guess that’s why we’re all different though right?

If you made it to the end of this post, have you ever watched an episode of Black Mirror? What do you think of this concept of technology being able to make a person almost immortal? Let me know in the comments below!

Hello World

Hi!

This post, which will be short, is brought to you from my cellphone. I know some of us can write posts mobiley but I’m not good at it yet especially when there’s pictures involved. Anyway, for the last couple of days, I’ve had some internet issues. You see, we pay for a high speed in our area. In order for our ISP to get us this high speed is by running two lines to our house. In technical terms, that means we have 2 broadband lines instead of just 1. One of our lines was out. This means our normal speed wasn’t acheiveable because we’re only running on one line instead of our bonded pair. On top of that, our internet was regularly disconnecting. I could be in the middle of Netflix or just something simple like browsing the web and I’d get page errors.

I hate calling service providers sometimes because they try to walk you through all these steps you’ve already tried before giving in and sending a tech. I get that cause I’m sure it’s cheaper that way. I kept it short and said, “hey, I pay for this speed and I haven’t been getting it. This is a problem.” The customer rep was funny because he suggested that sometimes it’s electromagnetic waves from Christmas lights could interfere. I’ve never heard anything like that before and there was also the fact that nobody in my street has Christmas lights (they’re all old). He sent a tech for today though. Took 3 hours but there’s definitely a problem with our outside wires that needs to be fixed.

Anyway, this is my way if updating you all. I hope you all had a nice holiday and an upcoming happy new year! I still hope to make an endangered post tomorrow so we’ll see. If there are any typos, I apologise. Autocorrect is the devil.

All It Takes

Back in January, I quit a job I absolutely loved. Let me give you a little background.

I am a huge animal lover. My degree is in Wildlife Conservation. I’ve interned at a few wildlife rehabilitation facilities and I got a once in a lifetime internship on Maui to participate in their endangered bird breeding propagation program for 7 months. This was my passion for sure. I was even offered a job after the internship was over. However, I didn’t except it. The cost of living was just too high and I wasn’t ready to uproot my land life for island life. Paradise is overrated.

I came back and started working in pet retail, vet clinics, and doggy day cares. After a while, two jobs took it’s toll though so a friend offered me a chance to have a full time gig at an upcoming pet store that was slated to open. I jumped at the chance! I was working when I got the call to come interview. I had to go all the way home, change clothes and drive over an hour to interview. I went in with a great attitude even though I was late (damn traffic). I remember sitting in my interview and the woman didn’t ask the usual questions. She asked me things like, “Would you rather be a super hero or a role model?” I’ll never forget when she asked me what I wanted. I told her I’ve been struggling to prove to someone, anyone, to give me a chance. I didn’t know exactly what I was striving for but its all about opportunity and if someone could just give me even a small chance to show that I’m worthy, that’s all a girl can ask for.

I ended up getting that job. A month in, they saw that potential I described and I was promoted to assistant manager. Ironically enough, I loved that job but grew to hate that woman but that’s neither here nor there.

I worked this job for about a year and a half. I made a ton of great friends, like M, and gained a whole new knowledge of the world. Series of events and fraying threads of my sanity led me to the decision to leave this job.


My current work atmosphere is completely different than anything I’ve ever done. I work in an office and I’ve never worked in an office. But the real kicker is majority of the workers here are 25-50 years older than me. I’m not going to lie, my first impression of the place was this is not going to work. I’m one of the youngest and these people are experienced. I know nothing about this product so they probably think I’m stupid.

There’s this one guy in the plant, we’ll call him John, he’s just a grumpy man. When I first met him he was just plain grouchy about life. My first week, I didn’t explore much or talk to anyone except my boss because I knew her. You know that awkward stage of the job where no one talks to you and you don’t talk to them because we’re all strangers.

That didn’t last long. I am definitely a talker.

So John was my first project. Every day, a few times a day, I would go out to the plant, walk up to him and ask him how he’s doing. From there, I started asking him what he’s building. Each day, I pretty much had a new question and each day he would laugh at me for not knowing some things because I’m 30 years younger than he is. I found out that John is one big ole softie. We had a resident stray cat living in the business for a while. John named him Yo-Yo and we got to talking about how he’s rescued 3 cats, soon to be 4 from the place. He takes them to the vet, gets them all their shots and groomed  and takes them home. These small stories led to bigger, revealing stories such as his battle with alcoholism among other things. Now, if I don’t make it out to the plant in the morning, John comes in my office each morning to talk about what he did the night before, or show me pictures on his ancient flip phone, or just to talk. This week he’s been feeling sick and each day, since last Thursday, I’ve been begging him to let me make him a cup of tea. This morning, when he came into my office to have our usual morning conversation, he told me to make him a cup of tea. I had the biggest smile on my face!

It’s the littlest things that can bring out a person’s personality. He’s not the only one I’ve impressed upon since I’ve been here. I’ve pretty much become known for my happy personality and office singing, sometimes dancing, skills. Sometimes all anyone wants is someone to listen to them. It could be something or it could be nothing. Sometimes people just want to smile if just for a minute. I think that’s what I ultimately strive to be. I want to be that person you call to cry to knowing that I’ll drop everything to drive over your house to sit and cry with you and then take you to a movie that I guarantee will make you laugh (true story).

I wasn’t always this way. I didn’t experience anything drastic or traumatic to change me but I like to think I hit that potential I’ve always reached for and everything can only get better from here right?

*Queue Whitney Houston: I found the greeeeeaaatesssst love of all insiiiiiide of meeeee”* and I have lots of it to share 🙂

The Not So Secret Life of this Guy

You have a pet or two, or in my case three, right?

Do you ever wonder if they think they have a good life?

Let me give you some background about my special jerk. I absolutely hated cats. I swore I would never have a cat. Dogs and reptiles only. Forever. All cats were the devil’s spawn.

Hear me out.

Back in my college days, when I decided dorm life was not for me, I moved off campus and into a townhouse with this random girl I met in class. She was nice enough. She was also a senior which meant by the end of the year she was leaving and that meant the townhouse was mine. We talked about the living arrangement and she let me know that I she had cats. All I had was my turtle at the time so I let her know as long as her cats didn’t try to jump into Turtle’s tank and eat him, her cats and I would have no problems. Alright, cool! It’s a deal. I moved in.

Little did I know, her cats were the cats from Hell. What I thought were cute, sweet feline faces were imps in disguise. Her cats are what did it for me. I barely slept each night because they would scratch and yowl at the carpet in front of my door because they couldn’t come in. I don’t know you crazy cats so no, you aren’t sleeping in my room. She would sometimes leave on the weekends and I had to deal with their crazy asses! The final straw was when I came home from staying with the hubban (then boyfriend) at his place over the weekend and all the cabinets in the kitchen were open, food was shredded all over the place and the cats were running around like they were possessed. I literally thought we were robbed that day. It was unbelievable. NEVER WILL I EVER have cats. Needless to say, I couldn’t wait until she moved out.

Fast forward to my senior year. A friend of mine informed me that a box of kittens were left on her doorstep. I told my best friend because she expressed interest in wanting a cat. She asked me to go pick one out for her and bring it when I came to visit.

I should have known better… I’m such a sucker!

I looked in the box at this array of kittens, marveling at how they all came from the same mother because they were all different colors. I picked out a little black and white one for my friend and that was that. Cool, done. Right? I can’t remember exactly what made me linger but this jerk was asleep the whole time so I didn’t show any interest but soon as I was going to leave he opened his eyes and I was lost. He stared at me, I stared at him and then I called my boyfriend and was like “you like cats right? because I’m coming home with one…”

From there the rest is history. Milliardo (Gundam character if you were curious; I let the man name the cat..) is family. I think he started out as a nice kitten but the man threw him in a snowpile once because Milliardo scratched him real good and I’m pretty positive he never forgot that. I had to essentially ignore my cat for a year to get him to like the man again! There was also a recent incident of him being a jerk to Isabel (the second cat I’ve obtained since) and Milliardo bit the shit (no better way to convey this) out of my hand and I ended up in the ER contemplating snapping my own cat’s neck. I’ve forgiven him since then because I can’t look at his face and be mad for long. He’s very affectionate and will speak to you if you speak to him back. He likes getting his belly rubbed so we have this whole ritual in the morning of him walking in front of me and plopping on his back for his morning rub.

He has many nicknames. I call him sentry cat because he always sleep at the foot of the bed. He’s also motorboat cat cause he has the deepest purr I’ve ever heard and he’s also drooly cat because you cuddle him enough and he starts drooling. I can go on forever…

I think he has a good life. I can only imagine where he would have ended up since his life started in a box. It’s going on 7 or 8 years now, I believe, and I wish he could live forever. I can’t imagine my everyday life without this jerk. He definitely changed my mind about cats.

 

Something New

Throughout my days, whether it’s at work, home, or hanging out with friends, I find myself trying to learn something. There’s always something to take away. There’s also plenty to give.

My days are typically filled with work – from working out, to actually going to the job that pays me, sending or receiving emails, trying to network with rescue organizations, and beyond, I’m always working on something.  I’ve learned a lot from the younger people who work for me…and I’ve learned a ton from the older ones, too. It’s interesting to subjects from another lense.

I’d say that overall I’m a realist. I have realistic views, expectations, and hopes for the future. I’m not asking for or seeking perfection: but I want to see people trying. Trying is often times different than doing – but sometimes all you can ask is that people are trying.

Working in the pet food industry has taught me a lot. Managing people has taught me even more. Doing my best to gain something from everyone has shown me a lot about life. Having wonderful friends and a supportive family has certainly helped along the way. I challenged myself to create time to write something today. Something. Anything. …to try to be part of this blogging experience with a great friend. …to try to pull my weight, or at least part of it. The longer I sit the more emails flood through. Questions, comments, concerns, things that require fairly immediate action, others that just want my opinion on what to do or how to do it.

Yesterday, I learned about plasma and just how cool and helpful it is. Today, I’ve learned (and really have known for a while) that good friends truly are a dime a dozen. My co-author has carried the weight and the work of this blog since conception. I am thankful for her and I learn from her and about her everyday from this opportunity.

What are you learning about today? Is it something new? …perhaps it’s something you’ve known and are revisiting. Share it with us so we can all learn together! 🙂

Timely

Forward

This post will probably be all over the place so fair warning.

I spend a lot of time driving. My job is 45 minutes away, one way. Five days a week. I spend a lot of that time just thinking. I think about past conversations I’ve had with people and wonder if I said the right things or if I could have said something different. I often press rewind in my head to review the past few day or two and analyze. For example, last night I had quite an interesting conversation with a friend of a friend. When you meet your friend’s friend, there is usually an automatic impression. Its human nature. We can’t help ourselves. I wondered what he thought of me as I sat there thinking about all of the things I’ve heard and placing it to the face. The content of the topics we discussed were baffling to say the least. Here you have two black people, (and I have to define race here), talking about their feeling regarding interracial relationships. I like to think I’m a general, open minded person. My views are simple. You love who you love. Race doesn’t matter. Why should it? If the person you love makes you happy, that’s all that matters. He asked me how I feel about gay marriage. Same answer. I don’t care what you do in the confines of your bedroom. I hope its sexy as hell because that would make both partners happiest. He tells me he doesn’t like the white race. I didn’t know what that meant so I asked. People with white skin, he says, mainly of European descent. How do you know someone is European descent, I asked. Because I can just tell, he says. Instead of getting angry, I ask, why do you feel the way you feel? He says because if “they” wanted to change the way they treat black people they would. So I asked him, what do you do to change the way people view you. And he felt that striving to become a history teacher and telling the “real” truth would bring about necessary change. I wished him the best.

There was a lot more commentary in there but that was the short of it. I understand to an extent why he feels the way he feels but most of me just thinks he lives a sad existence. Attraction to a race is one thing but to condemn the whole race for past transgressions that you were not even a part of is downright astonishing. Do I think history should be swept under the rug? No. Do I want history to repeat itself? Of course not. Change is necessary. It will always be necessary. That’s how we grow and get better. I believe our history shapes who we are today but I believe it does it unconsciously. When you decide who to befriend, you don’t ask yourself what your ancestors would do or how they would feel. You weigh how you feel and how that individual makes you feel. If they make you laugh, if they inspire you, if they tug at a piece of your heart in some way; things are the things that shape your future.

Besides going over interactions in my mind, I think a lot about my dream job. I used to think it was a veterinarian. I love animals. One of my favorite land creatures is the elephant and one of my favorite sea creatures is the sea turtle. After various jobs, some in vet clinics, I realized I don’t have the strength of heart to be a veterinarian. I’m an easier crier and dealing with death is just not for me. Shutting my emotions off is impossible. I also realized I hate school. I made it the first four years but I was not motivated enough to continue the other eight or so. From here I thought, well I’m pretty great with computers, I love staying updated in the tech world, maybe I can get an IT job. This comes from many years of pet retail and finally burning out. Technology is where the jobs are. I hear that a lot and maybe one day I’ll actually pursue that. Ultimately I’ve come to realize my dream job would be to read. I enjoy reading SO much. It gives me life. I can hardly step through my day without imagining how Astrid is going to solve her interesting dilemma. I read chapters whenever I get a free moment and binge read on the weekend. I’ve been told before that reading is not productive but I disagree. It’s way beyond productive! That piece of imagination is my expresso shot in the morning! It’s my midnight snack before I go to bed. It stimulates my dreams! I strive to emulate the characters in real life because that world is fantastic! I learn their histories and how they deal with their present. The stories I read are not always fantastic. I’ll admit, I’ve read some books and didn’t finish them because there just wasn’t a connection. Nine out of ten times though, I am living! And let me tell you, it feels GREAT to be alive!

To connect my two ruminations (in my mind anyway) I leave you with this. History is a part of us, yes, but you will never connect with anyone if you don’t leave it behind. When I say leave behind, I don’t mean forget it entirely. Remember it. Grow from it. Learn from it and make your life the better because of it. There are people who want to be in your life, real and imaginary that don’t care about your history. Open your arms, your eyes, and especially your ears. Free your mind or at least free up a portion of it for new thoughts and visions. You’ll love it, I promise.

Can I? Should I? Maybe?

Can I?
Should I?
Maybe?

These are the things we ask ourselves when we’re hesitant in a decision. Can I really change my career? Should I order that dessert that’s calling my name? Maybe I should hold off on that decision until something better comes along. Any of these sound familiar? Why is the natural instinct for choice to hesitate? Why raise that level of doubt when it can be nonexistent? Probably because we feel it necessary to weigh all options before making that choice. Maybe we are in a situation where we need to think before we speak and that one second of hesitation can make a difference between keeping or losing a relationship. Maybe none of that matters. Don’t hesitate, just say it, just do it; you only live once and it will open doors. No thinking. Just instant choices, instant decisions, deal with the consequences, if any, later. I wonder, do you think even those people have a moment of hesitation?

I look back on important points in my life and I wonder if the outcome thus far would be different? Would I be any happier than I am in this exact moment in time? At this rate, I believe it can only get better, happier, stronger from here. Ask me again a year from now. 🙂

How do you live your life? Is your hesitation level situational? Curious.

 

 

“Confidence is what we get when we take fear, face it and replace it.”
― Tim Fargo