I’m right behind my co author today in talking about tough situations. In this politically charged world we live in, there are certain topics people just don’t want to talk about. Today I’m going to briefly touch upon one of those topics and my personal feelings. As a disclaimer, I don’t mean to make anyone upset but if I do, I’m sorry in advanced.
A mutual friend of my co-author and I is adopted. She’s a black child adopted by white parents. When we became closer she told me her story. She told me she wasn’t almost adopted because the system did not think white parents could raise a black child and that the only reason they ended up being approved is because they knew a friend of a friend in the system. It broke my heart.
Another coworker of mine, 4 years married, met her husband after getting a divorce from a physically abusive relationship. She has two children and they were the reason she wouldn’t leave the marriage. It took her child calling the cops and telling them he was afraid to come home to his dead mom one day for the divorce to finally happen. Now with her new husband, the subject of children came up. She decided she didn’t want to have children at her age because of the risks so they decided to adopt. They filled out the papers and got real excited, especially the husband. In the end, they would not approve him to adopt because he had gotten 3 divorces prior even though he was financially stable and has been taking care of his wife’s children as his own. She told me he was devastated.
My husband has been in the foster care system as a child. He was in the system for about 7 years. He’s told me good stories but he’s also told me bad stories. Ultimately he feels he didn’t have a healthy childhood and hopes that if we ever have children he can give his child what he didn’t have.
I looked up a sample adoption form to see what it entails. It seems pretty straightforward. They want to know you age, gender, schooling history, marriage history, criminal history and annual salary. One of the sad things on there is that you have to choose an ethnicity to adopt. You can’t just have no preference. It shouldn’t matter in my opinion considering the thousands of children waiting to be adopted.
I understand why the vetting process is high for something of this nature. You don’t want to place a child in a broken home. They already think their life is meaningless because they’re biological parents didn’t want them. But for people who are willing to open their hearts and their arms for a child, how much should ethnicity or your personal divorce rate really matter?
I want to touch on abortion. The reason I want to touch upon this subject because people who are thinking about it are often told that they should put their child up for adoption because it’s the better route to take. Now I think that’s very noble but sometimes I think how noble is it really? Not saying all adoption systems are bad because that would be an ignorant thing to say but if I was in that boat, and I wasn’t instantly adopting my child out to a relative, I would seriously question if that’s the best option. I’m sure it’s hard enough that the mother can’t or doesn’t want the child in the first place and then have to make that decision? It’s rough.
To end on a happier note, when I checked my Facebook this morning I saw an uplifting video of a man who immigrated from Libya after losing his wife who fostors terminal children. A lot of times people do not want to take on that burden of their care. He decided he didn’t care about things like that and he wanted to make sure that these children were loved to the end. Simply amazing.