Trials of Friendship

I was talking to my closest friend last night and we got into a discussion about friendship. I’ve touched on this topic briefly in previous posts but last night it was weighing heavily on my mind so I decided to rant a little here and pick her brain a little there and ultimately decided this would probably make a good post even just to spill out everything I’m thinking right now. So in order to put it all together, I need to share a story about a friend I used to have.

About a year and a half ago, I met this girl while working. Actually I was one of the reasons she got hired at my workplace because I was one of her interviewers at the time. I wouldn’t say it was an instant friendship connection but we definitely got along really well and it grew tremendously in a short amount of time. We both really loved books which is normally how I connect with people because they share a love of reading but sometimes it’s for other reasons like sharing the same views or we just generally make a good team. We texted each other a lot; most of it about random stuff. And then we made it a point to hang out outside of work once a week. It worked really well for months. She was a bit scared to drive far distances so I would always go to her house. Plus, I lived in a one bedroom apartment and it’s hard to entertain in such a small space. We’d watch shows together and go to book sales, all that good stuff.

Then one day the texting pretty much stuttered to a trickle and then a stop all together. I didn’t understand why. Right before that, I had made a decision to transfer to a different store because it would provide me with better career development but I figured it wouldn’t affect our friendship too much cause technology was so great. I was pretty wrong and I got frustrated because I felt I was putting a lot into the friendship and pretty much getting nothing in return. When it became days between texts, I decided to ask her what was going on. I was always told her life was soo busy and she just didn’t have time to engage with me anymore. I admit, that hurt my feelings because I feel like it’s not that hard to message a person with the millions of avenues available to do so and especially when I’m becoming annoying by trying to reach this person almost every day.

I pretty much got tired of the excuses and simply stopped trying. Two weeks went by and I got radio silence. I figured if I’d stop sending her messages then maybe she’d get a clue and maybe take the initiative. She didn’t. So I gave up. I sent one last text telling her I could no longer be her friend and listed all the reasons why and that was the end of that. About a year later, I get a text from her asking me how life is.


I couldn’t even believe it. Like is this real life? And all that I had let go, the sadness and bitterness and anger and finally defeat came rushing back in one big ball of rage. I lashed out as much as you can in a text message and pretty much questioned why she was texting me. After a few exchanges, cause I’m sure she could tell I was heated, she informed me that even though I didn’t consider her my friend, she’s always still considered me her friend. Currently, in the present, she got wind that I’m pregnant and now she occasionally texts me wanting to know all the details about what’s going on my life but I’m quite short with her as you can probably imagine. I don’t really know how to feel about someone who can be a here again, gone again friend you know?

So I spilled all of this to my friend last night and told her how I feel like making friends is the easy part but keeping them is so hard. Maybe I’m desperate because I’m only getting older and making friends as an adult is harder than it was when we were kids. Or maybe I just care too much and I shouldn’t but I’m such an emotional person and I can’t help it. My feelings do get hurt easily and my response is to pretty much shut them off at least to the outside world and present this facade that I don’t care when I really do at least for a little while.

I equated growing a friendship to a sapling growing into a tree. You have a little sapling you’ve just planted and you check on it every single day, watering it and making sure it’s getting enough sunlight so it can grow to be a strong tree that’ll live a lifetime. If you stop watering that sapling for a day, it’ll still grow a little because it has a bit of nutrients stored in the roots. But if you stop watering that sapling for a week and then a week turns into two or more, that sapling is going to start to die and by the time you come back to it and realize you wanted to save it, it’s either already dead or a small seed will float elsewhere to try and root itself to become stronger than before.

Maybe I’m absolutely sensitive that I think so deeply on this subject but I think ultimately it stems from trying to understand how other people think and how it seems so easy for someone to borderline forget that you were a great friend. Or maybe you weren’t and they just didn’t inform you of their true feelings so instead floated away cause that was easier?

Long read and heavy topic I know. If you made it all the way to the end, I commend you, you’re awesome and I hope you’ll share your thoughts in the comments below. 🙂


You ever think about the people in your life and the level of trust they have in you? This is a bit random but the 23rd of this month was my one year anniversary working at my job. I’ve shared this story in the past but I pretty much bred  myself to work with animals with what I thought would be the rest of my life. I went to school for biology and switched majors to wildlife conservation because I had huge dreams of being a zookeeper some day. I never made it to a zoo but I did get to experience a few wildlife rehabilitation internships, including the start up of one at my college and I also got to go to Maui for 7 months for a breeding and propagation internship on endemic birds.

One day however, I had a bit of wake up call so to speak and had to divert my animal attention to domestics instead of wildlife. So for a few years after working with all the wildlife I transitioned to working in pet retail, vet clinics and doggie day cares. I grew to love the work that I do, especially with the variety of pets on a daily basis but the jobs themselves started to take a toll. The vet clinics became hard to deal with especially when you dealt with pet parents losing their pets or trying to let them go. The pet retail became mentally exhausting because of the constant people interactions and doggie day care just became exhausting. My last stint in retail I got a taste of being a manager which was a first for me. I was always encouraged into management but I never wanted it because of the ridiculous hours a manager had to work. Work/life balance is pretty important to me.

The job I’m in now is a pretty chill job in comparison to all the other jobs I had combined. You’ve all seen the stories from the previous year of me picking cherries and dealing with honeybees. Not really in my job description but fun nonetheless. In the past 6 months or so, my boss has had me dabbling a little bit in the company’s finances such as depositing checks, paying bills and even checking payroll hours. My  job description is Office Manager guys. I’m a paper pusher/morale booster in this place. So for me to be involved in the money part of this business was a bit shocking to me at first. Obviously, I can be trusted. I’m a very honest person and I care about keeping my job cause you know, can’t eat if I don’t work and I really, really like eating.

It just sort of blows my mind these days the things shared with me. I don’t doubt that I can be trusted of course but I wonder when did the switch go off in my boss’s head that I can be trusted on an even greater level? I know the whole point of a job is to make money and grow to make more money because who likes living paycheck to paycheck but how is this gauged?

This can be related to my personal life as well. I’m generally a very open person and have no problem talking about anything, even the uncomfortable topics. It’s frowned upon sometimes I’m sure because, well, you need to have some type of filter but when you just have this feeling of comfortable with a person, it’s like the dam opens and it all just floods out. I often wonder how I gained this level of confidence in myself to just be able to share stuff with people I feel I can trust or who can generally relate to my experiences. Or they might not be able to relate at all. For example, I work with an 80 year old who is completely racist even if he won’t admit it to himself. Most times he doesn’t realize what he’s saying but I believe he knows exactly what he’s saying. Does it bother me? Not in the least. I can go toe to toe with the best of them but he’s 80. Do I aim to change his mind? No. There’s no point. But I do make my stance on things very clear and I think he has a respect towards me that he didn’t expect. Honestly, I didn’t expect it either. I never know sometimes what I’m going to say until I say it. But that’s how it should be right? But then I think about people like the president who I feel should think before he opens his mouth ever and I feel like I contradict myself.

Anyway, my thoughts are all over the place. I think ultimately I’m just wondering if people have like a trust meter that they use to gauge how much they tell a person or if it really doesn’t matter that much because with trust comes confidence and I guess you’d need a certain level of confidence in order to trust people? I don’t know.

If you were able to keep up with my jumble of thoughts, what do you think of it all? Let me know in the comments below!

I’m not a writer, I’m a reader: Day 3

Today’s inspiration is brought to you by single word posts. The goal here is to take one word and turn it into a post. The email provided a list of words to choose from and it definitely got me thinking.

I’m going to take it back to senior year of high school. The year was pretty decent. Made a lot of good friends but they were a grade or two lower than me. I spent most of my time in the Zoology classroom taking care of the myriad of reptiles and amphibians. Now my teacher is asking me if I’m going to college. Well, for me it’s not like I had much choice. My mother made it very clear what would happen if I didn’t go to college. At the time, I was excited. I flunked the ACTs but I did pass the SATs. I didn’t want to go to the local college because that’s where the whole graduating class was going and I needed new faces. I was too chicken shit to move to a different state or even to go an hour away so I ended up being about 45 minute drive from home. Far enough that I knew my mom wouldn’t come visit me every second but close enough to visit. I worked two jobs and went to school full time, changed my major once in there and graduated.

Now I’m living the dream! I have a fancy piece of paper that tells the world I’m intelligent! I can do everything I dreamed of doing!

Wrong. You know why it was so wrong? Because everything they tell you is just not true. You see you get these job coaches that tell you about your resume and how it should look and how effective your education will be when applying into the unknown adult world of jobs. I was originally a Biology major. That pretty much narrows my job choices down to zookeeper, plant and animal behavior, animal nutrition, naturalist. So I’m like hell yeah! I’ll get to be a zookeeper! This is great! School is expensive but you know what it doesn’t matter because when I graduate I’ll be set forever! Yeah, no. You can’t imagine how hard it is to become a zookeeper. Literally the best way to get into a zoo is to know someone who knows someone higher up who can whisper into their superior’s ear about how awesome you are and to give you chance. Or, the alternative, work for free for 5 years and get a passing chance at having your application looked at. You’re telling me I struggled for 4 years of my life, spent massive amounts of money (95k if you were curious), volunteered for 2 years and I still can’t get my pinky toe in the door. What do I have to show for it now? Lots of debt. Thank you education. You are a real winner.

You know what they need in colleges now? They need that person who will be brutally honest. That coach you go to and say, “hell yeah, when I graduate I’ll be swimming with sea turtles and dolphins and caring for elephants!” And then that coach would look you in the face and just bust out laughing; gut wrenching, tears streaming, spit shooting out from their face, laughing. And then set you straight. They’ll say, “Hey! that’s great except that won’t happen. You’ll probably work fast food or retail the first few years out of college, and then you’ll find a job that you can be passionate enough about that’ll keep you afloat in this world!” Then follow up with, “Here’s what you really need to do…”

Now I’m not saying this is what happens to everyone or that you all should feel this way or that. I don’t necessarily regret going to college because I did make quite a few connections that I still keep in contact with today or have helped me better my living situation. If I had to go back, I would definitely pick a community college instead of a private college and I would pick a more logical major. In a perfect world, we could all fake it til we make it. I heard this saying from my realtor. I asked her how she was so successful at her job. She said she jumped in and learned as much as possible and came up with her own strategies along the way until she became very good at what she does. That is living the dream. You apply for a job and are considered based off your willingness to learn and then you get a fantastic teacher who teaches you everything they know. That, in my opinion, is the best way to get a real world education.

What’s your opinion about education?

I Don’t Doubt It…

I got a call late last night from a dear friend who told me she’s likely getting a divorce. As I sat up in bed to focus on the call and her situation, I realized how I felt when I was in her shoes. As a young person who has also been divorced, I know the thoughts of doubt, hurt and uncertainty that she was having. The longer I spoke with her (and then her sister) I also began to understand why I never doubted my own divorce.

I got married right after turning 20 to someone who I had spent the prior 5 years dating. We were married for 3 years before I pulled the plug. My friend is in a similar boat – she married at 18 and is now facing the reality of a pending divorce at 25. I could hear how worried and scared she was just thinking of starting over on her own. …and I know that I was once there, too.

However, looking back, I can see that it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I’ve grown more from my divorce than anything else I’ve experienced. Only through that experience did I learn not to doubt my integrity, character, and hard work. I began to see my value and worth outside of my appearance and the things I owned. I learned what it meant to be a real friend and how truly special it is to find those real friends.

…and now to one of my very best friends, I am able to stand alone and tell her that I cannot and will not Doubt  her decisions. I will be beside her to hold her hand and to laugh with her through the good times and the bad. Real friends care about truth and happiness.

The truth is: I don’t doubt that it will hurt and I don’t doubt that she will be stronger, wiser, and better because of this.